Some people believe that since they are no longer in a situation and have moved on to more comfortable circumstances—which is subjective—then they have accepted and made peace with the past. Accepting is more than saying, “It is what it is.” It’s accepting what has happened and loving yourself enough to remove your being away from the negative energy that you have acquired. It is no longer being pissed about an infidelity, someone stealing from you, abusing you etc. That may sound difficult to do, but you have to know that it is what best for you.
Yes, whatever the person or people did to hurt you was wrong and the emotion you felt was justified, but to protect yourself, your decisions going forward determine your success in becoming a better, happier, whole person. Remaining angry (consciously or subconsciously), or saying you will never forgive someone is allowing yourself to hold onto the pain that was caused.
You do not need to hold onto the pain to never forget. On the flip side, choosing to block out the hurtful experience is just as bad as consciously being angry, because the blocking can manifest in dysfunctional ways that further hurt you. It is your choice to determine how the experience will affect your future.
I challenge you to think of the situation that still puts a bad taste in your mouth. Realize and acknowledge the emotions that stem from it and take action to gain control of who you really are. If you feel animosity, anger, embarrassment, or the like regarding the situation that you claim that you have accepted and moved on from, then it is time to address those emotions and to see how you could be unconsciously/consciously manifesting them in relation to your view of yourself, other people/relationships, and situations.
Ask yourself: What value does this experience hold? Why am I still hurt, ashamed, or angry? Does this affect my other relationships? How was I before this experience? What am I more cautious about? What was my role in the matter? What was the other person's role in the matter? How did I respond at the time of the experience? What is the point of even still being mad or hurt by him or her treating me the way they did 1, 2 or 20 years ago? What do I wish I should've done or said? How would that have benefited me, or the situation in the short- and long-term?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling anger, grief, or shame in response to a hurtful experience. However, to get to a happier, healthier, and fruitful you, it is imperative that you recognize the pain that comes with experiences and determine how to rid yourself of that negative energy. If not, negative energy/emotions/thoughts, rather dormant or active, attract more negative energy/emotions/thoughts. Acknowledge those negative feelings, accept them in your experience, love who you are (and the experience) because it does nothing more than create a BETTER and stronger you.
Art of Letting Go- How to?